…bout NFL players celebrating for doing their damn job. Pissin me off.
This Sunday I was watching football on my t.v. (only because I couldn’t figure out the TiVo, therfore I couldn’t watch How Stella Got her Groove Back. JOKE…that movie blew sack….just kidding I love it and own 2 copies 1 signed by Taye Diggs…) Anyway I came to pretty much despise all NFL wide receivers and SPT/DEF players in week 3 and here’s why:
Okay so we’ve all seen T.O. score a T.D….and run to the middle of the Dallas Star…or magically pull a sharpie out of his ass like he’s fuckin Chris Angel Mindfreak and sign a football…we’ve all seen Chad OchoCinco/Johnson/OchoJohnsonWhatever prance around the end-zone like he’s made it to semifinals of Dancing with the Stars (if you watch that crap, stop reading, dance your way over to a bottle of Clorox and down the whole thing)…those guys are allowed to do that because they have earned it, because they are good…wait… no…they do it because they are a bunch of buttcunts (shut-up spell check, that so is a word) with tons of money, they know they are going to get fined by the league, and yet they will still go ahead and motion fuck the leather-covered ball and ejaculate it into the crowd…it’s kind of like saying hey league here’s 10k to make a total bam-fuckin-boozle of myself in front of a national audience…and somewhere in a backyard far far away a little kid is mimicking him and getting sucker-punched in the face for being a douchebag (true life lesson from me; My Neighbor Joey that moved away 10 years ago, if your reading this I will find you, time-travel, and long-snap a pigskin signed by Jamarcus Russell into the back of your 12-year old head, then I will collect your tears in a Dixie cup, travel back to the present, and toss them in your fucking face.)
Anyway I mean whatever, like, T.O. does it, Chad does it, whatever, it’s kinda expected (they got this saying in Waltham, “once a moron, always a moron ”), what really gets me going is when the scrub special team player makes a tackle and does the chicken dance like its Crupis Super Sweet Sixteen (*Happy Birthday shout-out Crup-A-Loop, “hAtE BitCH’s <3 mInE!) I mean picture this, team down by 3 scores, there’s 4 minutes left in the game, and some bozo, who can’t read, but is making a solid mill plus, because Coach injected him in the rear end with “special syrup” in High school, thinks he’s Ray Lewis because he tackled the Kick Returner after a 47-yard gain… the magnitude of the malarkey is ridiculous…my recommendation for the next celebration an NFL player should do is jump up and down, wave their hands in the air, put the ball on the tee, and proceed to sit on it and rotate. Laces Fuckin Out.
