Will New iPhone Decrease Cargo Short Sales?

VS.



Apple’s new iPhone 4 premiered today and now has more features than ever. With new upgrades such as, a front facing camera (good for taking pictures with a loved one while laying in bed myspace style), video chat (good for showing your dick on “Chat Roulette”), and the iPhone’s thinnest frame ever! (good for dropping it into hard to reach places) All these new features will not only improve the user’s day to day life, but will also decrease the amount of shit (stuff) you will have to carry in your pockets. This is good news for iPhone enthusiasts, but bad news for cargo shorts enthusiasts.
With Summer right around the corner it would be expected that cargo short sales would be through the roof right? WRONG! Ever since the release of the first iPhone in 2007 cargo short sales have dramatically decreased. The iPhone is not a 1 in 1, nor a 2 in 1, nor a 3 in 1 device. It is rather a billion to 1 device that can range anywhere from a scrabble board to something crazy like a cellular telephone. When asking an Apple employee how this has affected his life he responded, “My pants don’t feel like they have a ton of shit (stuff) in them anymore.” But while the “Fat Cats” at the Apple store are trotting around in their light pants what are the employees of Gap doing? We caught up with one of them and asked if they thought all the new features on the iPhone were going to decrease the sales of cargo shorts so drastically that they might be out of a job. The employee had this to say: “I never really thought about it (but then again my life does suck. I work at the fucking Gap for Christ’s sake!)”
So this leads to the conclusion- How should iPhone users feel about their new improved mobile devices? Happy that they can now shoot videos of their boring lives and upload them instantly to the land of “who gives a shit” OR sad that a terrible store like the Gap that sells out-of-style cargo shorts to a generation they still think lives in the 60s might be going out of business? It is up to the public to decide.
…………..I for one have a blackberry so I could give a fuck!

- JOB