A Day in the Life of Dom

So I was sitting around thinking about what would make an interesting topic for the blog, and then it hit me: Following Domenic Cassone around for a day. What could possibly be more entertaining to everyone who knows him than to see the inner workings of the man, the myth, the legend. It sounded like a pretty good plan until I realized that I didn’t want to follow Dom around for 24 hours. At all. It would just be too much effort with way too many greetings of “How ya’ll like it” for a blog read by all of 20 people. So, instead, I decided to imagine what I thought a day following Dom around would be like. Here it goes.

9:45a.m: Dom wakes up, reaches over, grabs his laptop, and opens facebook. Once he sees he has a notification (Danielle Richards commented on a photo of his) he says “Oh, live.”

9:47: Comments on four consecutive pictures of Capko.

9:54: Writes on Kyles wall.

10:01: Gets into the shower.

10:02: Starts humming “Nobody’s Perfect” by Miley Cyrus

10:02 and 30 seconds: Starts humming “The Carter” by Lil Wayne

10:03: Starts humming the Space Jam theme song

10:07: With his towel on, Dom practices his New Kid impression, his Ryan Klepps singing impression, and his Capko impression in succession

10:45: Ready to leave for class, can’t find his phone. He asks himself, “Where’s my likey?” As he’s walking through the house he mutters, “Can’t find my likey” and “Where IS my likey?”

10:47: Finds his phone.

11:01: Sends Kyle a picture of himself eating a breakfast bar with his thumbs up.

11:15: Sees Firestone and DJ walking together on campus, says “Eh. Hey, FELLAAAHHSSS.”

12:00: Sitting in class, from 12:00 to 12:10 he thinks about: Pizza, McDonalds, Amir, The Rock of Love, sex, how he wishes this class would be over, pizza, Greg O’Neill, Snakes on a plane, and sex… in that order.

12:11: Texts Firestone something about Jake and Amir and Snakes on a Plane

1:00: Meets me at the gym. Every time I do a set he says “God, you’re sexy.” While we are walking to the water fountain, he yells “God, we are buff as FUCK!”

1:15: Touches my ass in front of 15 people at the gym and says “God, I would fuck you.”

1:18: As I do a set, Dom is nearby on a core ball. He is bouncing up and down on it with his tongue out. He does not know his tongue is out. Audra Stawicki walks into the gym and Dom yells “SUP GIRL. WANNA FUCK?”

2:00: Sees Berm on his walk out of the gym. Asks her what color underwear she is wearing.

2:01: Screams to 4 people walking by him. “THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND. HER. TITS. ARE. MINE!”

2:02: Makes fun of Amber for having a 4.0. Spends 5 minutes telling Amber about his own GPA

2:45: After a hard workout, Dom goes home and makes a giant bowl of pasta. Eats it all.

2:52: Poops. Looks into the bowl and says, “Oh, you like WELL!”

2:53: Walks out of the bathroom naked and tells Sean and Suave, “This is my cock. How ya’ll like?”

3:30: Walks into the Fortress, as he opens the door he says “LIVE!”

3:31: Sits on Jack’s lap and asks about his day

3:45: Gets really into a UFC Show Jack is watching

3:53: Notices his tongue is hanging out while he watches the show. Puts it back in his mouth and looks around to make sure no one noticed.

4:07: DJ walks in. Dom follows him into his room.

4:08: DJ tells Dom to take his medicine.

4:09: Kyle tells Dom to stop yelling from the loft. “Ohhhh the KEKE!” is Dom’s rebuttal.

5:15: Sitting on the Fortress couch in the middle of a TV show he asks no one in particular, “Guys, who is the coon?

5:26: Asks if anyone has seen the coon.

6:15: Dom turns to Firestone and says two words, “The D’s?” They both get up and leave the Fortress

6:26: Get to the McDonald’s drive thru. Dom orders two double cheeseburgers with “Just cheese and ketchup.” Also orders two 4 pieces nuggets. Calls his nuggets “noogs”.

6:27: Puts a chicken nugget in his pocket and tells Firestone

6:29: Eats one double cheeseburger on the way home. Also says “shpoice” every time he passes a…. shpoice.

7:02: Watches three episodes of South Park.

8:25: Asks who the coon is, even though no one is in the room.

8:26: Texts me asking if I know who the coon is.

8:55: Goes back to the fortress. Begins drinking. Never says the word beer. Calls it a likey the entire night.

9:00: The Office starts, asks Kyle to “Pass me a likey cause I just finished liking this likable.”

9:45: Makes it into New Haven, goes into Black Bear. Orders 3 beers. Sees big pika, turns away quickly.

10:18: Touches Cats boobs. When Cat gets pissed Dom says “Hahaha Kitty Cat.”

10:46: Gets caught by me and Jack talking to big pika at the bar. Pretends he’s not.

10:47: Starts talking with the peeks again.

10:50: Sees Jack and I staring at him so he pretends he’s not talking to her and walks away.

10:51: Denies talking to Salzman.

11:25: Dancing like an animal.

11:34: Tells Capko the same story 3 times within 10 minutes. Capko tells Dom he hates him.

12:42: Stumbles into a cab.

12:44: Pisses off the cab driver by yelling loud.

1:15: Makes a “likeable snack”. Eats it in 10 seconds.

1:22: Stumbles into his room. Checks facebook, reads everyone’s away messages, and checks his e-mail.

1:32: Goes to bed.

By: Ryan Klepps