Dan's Rage'n and Rant'n Has been moved to Thursdays!!
Pissin me off this week.
Darts –I love to win things, when I lose things, I’m inclined to chuck nearby objects and tell people vulgarly about the sexual things I’m going to do to their moms, (e.g.“I’m going to fuck your mom”). Look I’m not saying I’m a good dart player…but im decent…I’m better at darts then controlling my anger….whatever…let me just set the scene…I’m up a hundred points in 2 on 2 cricket darts (for those who don’t know the rules heres a link Rules of Cricket ….yes that was a picture of midget wrestlers, if you want to know the rules of darts, Google it, don’t waste my time.)…anyway I’m up a big ass lot and I’m winning this game while carrying a 2000 ton gorilla on my back. The gorilla’s name happens to be New Kid…and he hasn’t hit a single fucking shot all game. Now… I don’t know if Newks got in a rugby accident…if someone accidently broke his wrist during a rigorous training session or something….maybe he broke his thumb while fingering the pikes (ew.)….but for whatever reason, if it wasn’t for gravity, he couldn’t hit the ground. Now my opponents Old Greg and Cummins both start making shots…..the games getting closer, my body temperature is elevating, face is reddening, and Newks is still throwing darts like he’s afraid Waltham High is going to lose if they hit the dartboard. At this point old greg has started saying “Son”…. like a lot…like an average of 3 “sons” per sentence. Cummins, on the other hand, not positive on exactly what an inside voice is, starts SCREAMING simply the worlds most awful things at me, the words “gargle” and “balls” were not used sparingly….Newks tries to retort this by saying eeehhh arrittte fellahhhs (I mean just…..god dammit…) Apparently this accumulation of events, grinds my gears to no end, go figure. I start missing the mark more than Suave misses classes…and …next thing I know, Cummins aka Mark Whalberg from Shooter… hits 2 bull’s-eyes in a row. In possibly the biggest humpty dumpty bullshit piece of luck I’ve ever seen, we lose. My 1st thought was a big ol’ FUCK... 2nd thought was I wondered what Cummins forehead would look like if it was full of darts….3rd thought was I wondered what New Kid’s face would look like acupunctured with darts…4th thought was I have an anger problem and should seek immediate help…but then this segment wouldn’t exist right?
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