In the news recently 10 Russian spies have been captured after infiltrating and living within American society. These spies have gone so far as to get married, have children, and attend cook outs with African American neighbors (Meet the Browns). After many years of watching football (real football), mowing their lawns while using ride on mowers (with cup-holders), taking advantage of the low prices at Walmart and complaining about gas prices, these spies were finally uncovered. It is still unsure of whether these spies went undercover in America for malicious reasons, but recent news has suggested that these spies only reason for coming to America was to get a better understanding on how Americans felt about Russia.
The Friendship Fortress is always willing to lend a helping hand so here are 10 ways in order to tell if a America is into you.
1. He tells another country- If America is interested, he has most likely told his other mutual country friends about you. This will be a tell-tale sign that the country is trying to find out more about you and is interested in you. A country almost always knows that if he says something nice about you or thinks you are attractive it will make it's way back to you
2. He gives you "the look"- A country like America will always try to maintain a cool calm exterior, but nothing can cover up "the look". If from across the room America is looking you up and down and giving you a sweeping smile then America is definitely into you.
3. He trys to assasinate one of your world leaders- This may seem like America is trying to destroy your government in order to establish one the better suited to fit it's own needs, but this one goes all the way back to grade school. When you would pull on a girl's hair that means you like her. This is a country's way of telling you straight out, "Hey I know we have had our differences, but I want to lay you down in the Russian countryside and feed you strawberries like a wild Ranqifer Tarandus."
4. He appears unexpectedly- Finding trained navy seals rummaging through secret documents in the basement of an unknown bunker may not look good, BUT if he likes you he is going to appear out of nowhere. He can only do this if he has been asking about your schedule and if he is paying attention to where you are going and at what times you. You should take this as a compliment and as a sure sign that he is into you.
5. Mind games- If America is flirting with other countries you are friends with or waterboards any prisoner of war caught behind enemy lines, he might be playing mind games. If you decide to play these mind games right back and he seems to get upset, this is another sign that he into you.
6. He celebrates his achievements with you- When something good happens in America's life does he want to celebrate with you? Like ummmmm IDK like beating the shit out of Nazi's and Winning WWII! Does that one ring a bell? And if it doesn't it's the perfect conversation starter.
7. Be aware of touching- If you are at a UN conference and America's leg touches yours and he doesn't move it there that is a good sign he likes you. Also if he hugs you for small things like you got a new ushanka or your army got new AK-47s this is another good sign that America is into you.
8. Check for signs of nervousness- Nervous laughter, sweaty palms, fidgeting, and looking away quickly when you notice him noticing your noticing him noticing you? is always a good sign America is into you. If you double up naval reinforcements in the Baltic Seas, have submarines spotted close to the Alaskan shores, and are doing a lot of "weather tests" you are defintely going to be making America nervous. The more you make America nervous the more he is going to notice you and keep those sweating palms gushing like Niagra falls.
9. Everyone likes you- If you are a country that everyone likes, America will most likely like you too. If you have had more genocides then theme parks built in the past 10 years then mostly likely America isn't going to be that into you, but don't give up. It is never to late to change and get that flabby Russian butt in gear.
And most importantly....
10. When he talks about his future, does he mention you in it?- When America talks about world domination and one day inslaving all worldly countries are you by his side? When he talks about re-naming North Korea California Jr., is Russia Jr. right below it (South Korea)? When America is driving around Africa in it's gold plated Land Rover are you riding shotgun swiging a bottle of vodka gunning down third world villagers? These are all important questions to ask yourself and if America can't see you there maybe you shouldn't be wasting your time.
All of these are great way in order to tell if America is into you. No need to have spies infiltrating America's society anymore. Good Luck Russia! You blatenly homo-erotic country! The Fortress is behind you all the way!
The Friendship Fortress is always willing to lend a helping hand so here are 10 ways in order to tell if a America is into you.
1. He tells another country- If America is interested, he has most likely told his other mutual country friends about you. This will be a tell-tale sign that the country is trying to find out more about you and is interested in you. A country almost always knows that if he says something nice about you or thinks you are attractive it will make it's way back to you
2. He gives you "the look"- A country like America will always try to maintain a cool calm exterior, but nothing can cover up "the look". If from across the room America is looking you up and down and giving you a sweeping smile then America is definitely into you.
3. He trys to assasinate one of your world leaders- This may seem like America is trying to destroy your government in order to establish one the better suited to fit it's own needs, but this one goes all the way back to grade school. When you would pull on a girl's hair that means you like her. This is a country's way of telling you straight out, "Hey I know we have had our differences, but I want to lay you down in the Russian countryside and feed you strawberries like a wild Ranqifer Tarandus."
4. He appears unexpectedly- Finding trained navy seals rummaging through secret documents in the basement of an unknown bunker may not look good, BUT if he likes you he is going to appear out of nowhere. He can only do this if he has been asking about your schedule and if he is paying attention to where you are going and at what times you. You should take this as a compliment and as a sure sign that he is into you.
5. Mind games- If America is flirting with other countries you are friends with or waterboards any prisoner of war caught behind enemy lines, he might be playing mind games. If you decide to play these mind games right back and he seems to get upset, this is another sign that he into you.
6. He celebrates his achievements with you- When something good happens in America's life does he want to celebrate with you? Like ummmmm IDK like beating the shit out of Nazi's and Winning WWII! Does that one ring a bell? And if it doesn't it's the perfect conversation starter.
7. Be aware of touching- If you are at a UN conference and America's leg touches yours and he doesn't move it there that is a good sign he likes you. Also if he hugs you for small things like you got a new ushanka or your army got new AK-47s this is another good sign that America is into you.
8. Check for signs of nervousness- Nervous laughter, sweaty palms, fidgeting, and looking away quickly when you notice him noticing your noticing him noticing you? is always a good sign America is into you. If you double up naval reinforcements in the Baltic Seas, have submarines spotted close to the Alaskan shores, and are doing a lot of "weather tests" you are defintely going to be making America nervous. The more you make America nervous the more he is going to notice you and keep those sweating palms gushing like Niagra falls.
9. Everyone likes you- If you are a country that everyone likes, America will most likely like you too. If you have had more genocides then theme parks built in the past 10 years then mostly likely America isn't going to be that into you, but don't give up. It is never to late to change and get that flabby Russian butt in gear.
And most importantly....
10. When he talks about his future, does he mention you in it?- When America talks about world domination and one day inslaving all worldly countries are you by his side? When he talks about re-naming North Korea California Jr., is Russia Jr. right below it (South Korea)? When America is driving around Africa in it's gold plated Land Rover are you riding shotgun swiging a bottle of vodka gunning down third world villagers? These are all important questions to ask yourself and if America can't see you there maybe you shouldn't be wasting your time.
All of these are great way in order to tell if America is into you. No need to have spies infiltrating America's society anymore. Good Luck Russia! You blatenly homo-erotic country! The Fortress is behind you all the way!
- JOB
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