Will New iPhone Decrease Cargo Short Sales?

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Apple’s new iPhone 4 premiered today and now has more features than ever. With new upgrades such as, a front facing camera (good for taking pictures with a loved one while laying in bed myspace style), video chat (good for showing your dick on “Chat Roulette”), and the iPhone’s thinnest frame ever! (good for dropping it into hard to reach places) All these new features will not only improve the user’s day to day life, but will also decrease the amount of shit (stuff) you will have to carry in your pockets. This is good news for iPhone enthusiasts, but bad news for cargo shorts enthusiasts.
With Summer right around the corner it would be expected that cargo short sales would be through the roof right? WRONG! Ever since the release of the first iPhone in 2007 cargo short sales have dramatically decreased. The iPhone is not a 1 in 1, nor a 2 in 1, nor a 3 in 1 device. It is rather a billion to 1 device that can range anywhere from a scrabble board to something crazy like a cellular telephone. When asking an Apple employee how this has affected his life he responded, “My pants don’t feel like they have a ton of shit (stuff) in them anymore.” But while the “Fat Cats” at the Apple store are trotting around in their light pants what are the employees of Gap doing? We caught up with one of them and asked if they thought all the new features on the iPhone were going to decrease the sales of cargo shorts so drastically that they might be out of a job. The employee had this to say: “I never really thought about it (but then again my life does suck. I work at the fucking Gap for Christ’s sake!)”
So this leads to the conclusion- How should iPhone users feel about their new improved mobile devices? Happy that they can now shoot videos of their boring lives and upload them instantly to the land of “who gives a shit” OR sad that a terrible store like the Gap that sells out-of-style cargo shorts to a generation they still think lives in the 60s might be going out of business? It is up to the public to decide.
…………..I for one have a blackberry so I could give a fuck!

- JOB

Jump Jacks Increase Productivity at Work, BUT Do They Make You Like an Asshole?

The answer is yes. You are at work. Sit on a chair and do what you are paid to do. I don't care if it increases your heart rate and helps your body function. You look like a fucking asshole sitting on a damn ball. And going over to help Karen's fat ass up is taking away from my productivity (that never happened to me but imagining having to do it pisses me off). Your lucky enough to live in a country that owns chairs. Fucking sit on one, shut your mouth and work. Dumbass.

The Debate Rages on- Who is Better?

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Who gives a FUCK? You don't get a different fucking internet. What is your fucking problem? Just pick one already. No need to read up on a blog or anything like that.

How to Chill Bottle Quicker

If you want to chill a bottle faster, try wrapping it in a wet towel before you put it in the freezer. OR just don't be a dumb procrastinating asshole and put the bottle in the freezer a head of time.

Segar's Blackout Halloween Festivities

Sorry Brosephs that there hasn't been any posts lately. It has been tough moving what what-not-ery.

There will be a special movie presentation before Segar's Blackout Halloween Festivities at Toad's Place. The Video premiere will be occurring in the Lily pad, and those of you not cool enough will have to wait to watch it after Saturday.

Should be pretty funny. I look forward to seeing you smile.

-J O Bizzle

BEER CONFESSIONAL!!!

It's up ladies and gentlemen. Prepare to be amazed. One man's struggle to over come prejudice and adversity gives hope to us all!

This is...........Beer Confessional

Again due to copyright infringement you have to watch it on the Fan page.

Become a fan

Weekend Wrap-Up

Takin a week off from wrappin. All the more reason to get wild next weekend!

Wednesday will be the release of the epic 20min tale that is "Firestone's 20 Beer Confessional"

Prepare yourself!

Movie Release Day

Because of copyright infringement you will have to watch this one on the fan page

The video is called DEPRESSION

Click on the word depression and follow the link

How you enjoy!

P.S. become a fan of the Friendship Fortress

Weekend Wrap-Up

Firestone is: Rage'n and Rant'n

…bout NFL players celebrating for doing their damn job. Pissin me off.
This Sunday I was watching football on my t.v. (only because I couldn’t figure out the TiVo, therfore I couldn’t watch How Stella Got her Groove Back. JOKE…that movie blew sack….just kidding I love it and own 2 copies 1 signed by Taye Diggs…) Anyway I came to pretty much despise all NFL wide receivers and SPT/DEF players in week 3 and here’s why:
Okay so we’ve all seen T.O. score a T.D….and run to the middle of the Dallas Star…or magically pull a sharpie out of his ass like he’s fuckin Chris Angel Mindfreak and sign a football…we’ve all seen Chad OchoCinco/Johnson/OchoJohnsonWhatever prance around the end-zone like he’s made it to semifinals of Dancing with the Stars (if you watch that crap, stop reading, dance your way over to a bottle of Clorox and down the whole thing)…those guys are allowed to do that because they have earned it, because they are good…wait… no…they do it because they are a bunch of buttcunts (shut-up spell check, that so is a word) with tons of money, they know they are going to get fined by the league, and yet they will still go ahead and motion fuck the leather-covered ball and ejaculate it into the crowd…it’s kind of like saying hey league here’s 10k to make a total bam-fuckin-boozle of myself in front of a national audience…and somewhere in a backyard far far away a little kid is mimicking him and getting sucker-punched in the face for being a douchebag (true life lesson from me; My Neighbor Joey that moved away 10 years ago, if your reading this I will find you, time-travel, and long-snap a pigskin signed by Jamarcus Russell into the back of your 12-year old head, then I will collect your tears in a Dixie cup, travel back to the present, and toss them in your fucking face.)
Anyway I mean whatever, like, T.O. does it, Chad does it, whatever, it’s kinda expected (they got this saying in Waltham, “once a moron, always a moron ”), what really gets me going is when the scrub special team player makes a tackle and does the chicken dance like its Crupis Super Sweet Sixteen (*Happy Birthday shout-out Crup-A-Loop, “hAtE BitCH’s <3 mInE!) I mean picture this, team down by 3 scores, there’s 4 minutes left in the game, and some bozo, who can’t read, but is making a solid mill plus, because Coach injected him in the rear end with “special syrup” in High school, thinks he’s Ray Lewis because he tackled the Kick Returner after a 47-yard gain… the magnitude of the malarkey is ridiculous…my recommendation for the next celebration an NFL player should do is jump up and down, wave their hands in the air, put the ball on the tee, and proceed to sit on it and rotate. Laces Fuckin Out.